We're Adopting!

Elvis and my 7th wedding anniversary is in less than 2 months.  We've been together for almost 13 years, and for all 7 of those wedded years we have not had children.  I've never been pregnant.  Not even a miscarriage.  I've had a myriad of testing done and Elvis has been tested...our infertility is classified as "unexplained".  We went further than we ever thought we would when we did a couple of cycles of IUI (artificial insemination) early this year (2011).  It quickly became too expensive and we stopped all fertility meds and shots and ultrasounds, etc.

We have waffled back and forth over the years at other options of starting a family, and we always entertained the possibility of adoption, but were never set on looking into it seriously.  Elvis has a lot of pride.  He has two brothers; both brothers have two children of their own; hence, Elvis wanted his own flesh and blood for children and deemed age 30 as his cut-off for becoming a father.  He turned 30 in May when I was still 28.  We went rounds about how just because he felt that his body was well over the biological age of 30, I was still only 28 and was not going to stop my quest in becomming a mother before I turned 30.  He's not going to be any older at 32 than he is today at 30.  He may be bald have less hair by then, but he won't physically be any older.  Suck it up, old man!

Really I can't remember the initial moment when we decided that adoption was the way to go, but I can tell you the final moment when I knew there was no other option that I would consider:

Yesterday I met up with Megan, her friend Karen - whose adopted son Nate goes to preschool with Zavier - and Karen's friend Melissa - who has adopted two daughters after "unexplained infertility".  We spent over 2 hours talking at an organic fair-trade coffee, tea & cocoa shop in Murfreesboro who helps adoptive families.  Karen is mom to 3 biological children, and her adoption story for Nate is amazing and unlike any you've ever heard before, but she adopted because she wanted to, not because she had to.  I am most thankful for Karen inviting her friend Melissa to the coffee shop, since she has more of the same reasons for adopting as I do.  Melissa and her husband still have faith that they will conceive their own child, even though they have started the process of adopting their third child, whereas Elvis and I are pretty well convinced that adoption is the only way that we're going to have a family, based on our 7 years of infertility.

We briefly talked about surrogacy because that route would allow us to have a full biological child of our own, just baked in someone else's oven, but once we considered that I would be going through all of the same treatments as if we had decided to do IVF, we quickly changed our minds about surrogacy.

So, after talking with these amazing women and getting loads of information I am fully convinced that adoption is our route and even though it could take a year or more to actually have a baby placed with us, it's amazing to know that I am 100% sure that I'm going to be a mommy!

There are so many things to consider when it comes to adoption: Agency or Independent?  Open or Closed?  Only white or open to other races?  How am I going to afford the $15,000 - $20,000? and so much more.  But I have started my adoption timeline and we'll just go from there!

Since Elvis and I have already decided that we are going to go through an angency, the first thing on my list is to research Tennessee adoption agencies and choose the best one for us.  We want a few things from the agency that we list with: an all-inclusive service plan, preferably a sliding scale fee rather than a fixed rate fee, a high annual placement number, and quality care and counseling for the birth mother.  It's really like interviewing a Realtor, or doctor, or some other really important person.  The success of our adoption really begins with the agency that we choose so we want to make sure it's the right one.

Once we select the agency we have to complete an application and send them $500.  Then they'll review our application and either approve or deny us to list with them.  Once we're approved we start the process of a Home Study which is a lengthy process that requires TONS of paperwork that digs into all areas of your life: marriage, finances, family, parenting plan, work life, meeting face to face at least one time with a social worker assigned to our case, and so much more.  Once we have completed the Home Study we send in another $1,500-$2,000 and then we wait.

So, since I know we'll be out $2,000-$2,500 at the very beginning my timeline is to take the next 6 weeks (less if possible) to find the right agency and get our application submitted.  This would get us started on our Home Study in February.  It can take up to two months to complete the Home Study, so by the time we finish it and cough up the next $2,000 I'll have gotten my bonus from work and any tax return money so it shouldn't be a hardship to fork over the money.  Then, after we've received a favorable Home Study I can start the process of looking into and applying for adoption grants.  Bring on the free money!

So that's it.  My next 3.5 months are planned out; by April we should be on a waiting list for a baby!  My fingers are crossed that we will have a baby in time for Christmas next year, but we'll just have to see.