Complete Meltdown

As a Virgo I am prone to be cynical and pessimistic, and boy howdy do those flags fly often!  I had a complete meltdown last night while Elvis and I were foraging in the forest (aka Murfreesboro) for dinner.  I was hungry.  I had a headache.  Nothing could placate me.  When trying to decide what pizza to order from Jet's, I was indecisive and got fed up and walked out.  Tick, tick, tick.  Once back in the car I realized that in the 6 minutes we were inside the building my sweatshirt had completely absorbed every odor in the pizza kitchen.  TICK, TICK, TICK.  And because I was so hungry Elvis started to pull into McDonald's to get me something to tide me over until we could figure out dinner.  TICKTICKTICK BOOM!!!!!!  The water works, dry heaves and moaning began.  "I don't WANT McDonald's!  I'm fat enough as it is!  Why do I have to be so FAT, so POOR, and HAVE TO PAY $30,000 FOR MY BABY??!!"  In.Con.Sol.Able.  Poor Elvis, he was so confused about how to treat me in my delicate state.  I can laugh at it now, but he must have been terrified that a demon would crawl out of my bellybutton at any second during my meltdown.

All three of those demons are ones that torture me daily, among others.  I am fatter now than I've ever been in my life and I don't know why I don't do anything about it.  I make more money now than I ever have in my life but it's like my wallet has a hole in it that all of my money falls out of.  I hate to admit it, but I am not the best at managing my money.  I mean, we have a savings account and we're never behind on bills, but I can't ever seem to keep my checking account at a balance that doesn't cause me to have a meltdown in the middle of Memorial Blvd.  Elvis, on the other hand, is BRILLIANT at managing his money.  His parents are the same way and have taught him well.  My problem is that I like stuff.  I like pedicures and getting my nails done; I like new earrings or shoes; I like to gift other people; I like to eat out (see above...FAT)  And now that I have to have $30 GRAND to adopt a child to complete our family, I am so stressed out about where we're going to get the money to do so.  I'm playing the "I wish" game in my head...I wish we had started the process sooner so we won't be 35 by the time we get a baby; I wish we had more money saved so it wasn't such a struggle to adopt; I WISH I COULD GET PREGNANT. 

After I had calmed down, we talked about pushing off the adoption journey for a year so we could save some money, but for as long as the wait could be in actually being matched with a baby we could likely save the same amount of money but still be that much closer to becoming a family.  So we're still a go, I just apparently needed a cleanse.