I could have been a mom in February.
One of the women that I met with to discuss adoption sent me an email yesterday letting me know that an attorney friend of hers was representing a birthmom who was looking to make an adoption plan. The father wants to relinquish his parental rights now, and the birthmom wants a closed adoption. She's due in March, but her doctor believes she'll deliver in February! Karen said that we would need to start our home study now so it could be completed in time. The birthmom wants the adoptive parents to be a professional couple that she feels could offer a great life to the baby. Ideal situation, right?? There's just one catch...
The birthmom is pregnant with twins. Annnnddddd they're both girls. I told Elvis and he about had a heart attack. When we were going through the IUI process earlier this year, his greatest fear was that I would get pregnant with multiples. I think it would be great, but he's terrified of going from no babies to two babies at once and not being able to provide them with the kind of life he wants to give our child(ren). He was almost on board with the twins, but when I said they were both girls he said he would die of anxiety and that he wasn't ready to take that on in just two short months from now. And I respect his feelings and concerns. These babies weren't meant to be ours. When all the pieces line up perfectly, we'll know that it was meant to be!
But seriously, can you imagine me becoming a mommy in two months??!!? I mean I'd be broke as shit buying two of everything at once and having the expense of double diapers and formula, but how exciting! Honestly though, when I really consider the big picture, at least if I was pregnant with twins I would have 8-9 months to prepare myself, my husband, my house, and my savings account for the addition of two little ones...and with a "just add water" family addition of twins, I just don't know if we would be able to make it work at a level that the birthmom would expect us to.
Anyway, I thanked Karen profusely, because everything about the offer was perfection, except the fact that there were two babies, and asked her to keep thinking of us if the same offer arises with a singleton.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
Christmas 2011
Christmas day is done, and in reflecting on the days leading up to this day I am happy to say that overall Christmas 2011 was a success. I got most of my shopping and wrapping done early, and all of the kiddos LOVED what we picked out for them! It was probably our best year of gift giving for the kids. Here's what we bought for them:
I also attempted to make a cake that I pinned on Pinterest (you can follow me HERE) but it went to crap. I over cooked the cakes and I over beat the ganache, resulting in sweet tasting cottage cheese. Fail. I'll try it again sometime; it's not quite ready for the move to my "I Made It! And the reviews to go with it" board. So instead I just made cracker candy and sausage bread and they were both delicious! We went to the Elder Spann's house around 10:30AM so we could spend some time with them before the kiddos arrived, we had lunch with the family, watched the kids open their presents and play with them and then we went home around 4:30 without playing Dirty Santa because I left our gifts at home. Whomp, whomp. It was a good day, not without some drama, but overall a good day!
- Dominque, age 15 - purple digital camera with rotating window to see herself when taking self-portraits, and a matching purple hard case. She is a freshman at Smyrna High School and is on the softball team so I know she will get TONS of use out of this gift. She absolutely loved it when she opened it yesterday! This camera also has buttons that when pushed automatically post your pictures to your Facebook and/or Twitter pages and your videos to YouTube.
- Wesley, age 9 & CJ, age 11 - Razor Sole Skates and $25 Walmart gift cards. These two boys are difficult to buy for because they're at that in-between age where they're no longer playing with action figures, but they're not quite out of the video gaming phase. Better to let them pick out their own video game than to embarass them by buying something too babyish. Both of the boys loved the skates and the gift cards. Oh, to be at an age where a $25 gift card feels like $100!
- Austin, almost 7 & Marshall, almost 5 - We bought the boys joint gifts this year because everything Austin does, Marshall wants to do too. Both boys are very athletic and play football and baseball in the spring and fall, so we decided to capitalize on their love of sports and got them an over-the-door double basketball goal and an arcade-style football game (like you'd see at Chuck E Cheese). These were perfect gifts because they have recently decided that they want to sleep in the same room again and use the other bedroom as their play/game room. I see them getting an air hockey table for their birthdays...
(Not the exact one, but you get the picture)
- Zavier, age 2 - I picked out the outdoor grill playset that goes with the indoor kitchen playset because this boy loves that kitchen! He was a big helper when I was putting it together for him, putting the burners into the screw holes and loading up the cupboards with all of the pieces to assemble it, but he sure loved it when it was put together! He was all about some hotdogs and ketchup and opening and shutting the grill lid. Lots of hours will be spent using this toy.
- DJ, age 4 - A LeapFrog Tag reading system. Even though DJ was initially more excited about Zavier's grill playset, once Megan got the Tag book downloaded to the pen and she showed him how to use it he loved it! He quickly learned that a certain sound means "turn the page" and that if you put the pen to parts of the book that it will tell him special things. After Zavier had gone down for his nap, DJ even picked the book up and began reading by himself!
Kasha, almost 12 - Since I rarely see Kasha (she lives in Oregon), I'm always struggling to know what to gift her with on her birthday and Christmas. This year I learned that she is really enjoying art and that she draws really well. My original plan was to get her an art kit and a gift card to Michael's so she could choose her own art supplies, but I waited too long to buy the art kit and ended up only sending a gift card so as to *hopefully* make it on time for Christmas.
I also attempted to make a cake that I pinned on Pinterest (you can follow me HERE) but it went to crap. I over cooked the cakes and I over beat the ganache, resulting in sweet tasting cottage cheese. Fail. I'll try it again sometime; it's not quite ready for the move to my "I Made It! And the reviews to go with it" board. So instead I just made cracker candy and sausage bread and they were both delicious! We went to the Elder Spann's house around 10:30AM so we could spend some time with them before the kiddos arrived, we had lunch with the family, watched the kids open their presents and play with them and then we went home around 4:30 without playing Dirty Santa because I left our gifts at home. Whomp, whomp. It was a good day, not without some drama, but overall a good day!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Complete Meltdown
As a Virgo I am prone to be cynical and pessimistic, and boy howdy do those flags fly often! I had a complete meltdown last night while Elvis and I were foraging in the forest (aka Murfreesboro) for dinner. I was hungry. I had a headache. Nothing could placate me. When trying to decide what pizza to order from Jet's, I was indecisive and got fed up and walked out. Tick, tick, tick. Once back in the car I realized that in the 6 minutes we were inside the building my sweatshirt had completely absorbed every odor in the pizza kitchen. TICK, TICK, TICK. And because I was so hungry Elvis started to pull into McDonald's to get me something to tide me over until we could figure out dinner. TICKTICKTICK BOOM!!!!!! The water works, dry heaves and moaning began. "I don't WANT McDonald's! I'm fat enough as it is! Why do I have to be so FAT, so POOR, and HAVE TO PAY $30,000 FOR MY BABY??!!" In.Con.Sol.Able. Poor Elvis, he was so confused about how to treat me in my delicate state. I can laugh at it now, but he must have been terrified that a demon would crawl out of my bellybutton at any second during my meltdown.
All three of those demons are ones that torture me daily, among others. I am fatter now than I've ever been in my life and I don't know why I don't do anything about it. I make more money now than I ever have in my life but it's like my wallet has a hole in it that all of my money falls out of. I hate to admit it, but I am not the best at managing my money. I mean, we have a savings account and we're never behind on bills, but I can't ever seem to keep my checking account at a balance that doesn't cause me to have a meltdown in the middle of Memorial Blvd. Elvis, on the other hand, is BRILLIANT at managing his money. His parents are the same way and have taught him well. My problem is that I like stuff. I like pedicures and getting my nails done; I like new earrings or shoes; I like to gift other people; I like to eat out (see above...FAT) And now that I have to have $30 GRAND to adopt a child to complete our family, I am so stressed out about where we're going to get the money to do so. I'm playing the "I wish" game in my head...I wish we had started the process sooner so we won't be 35 by the time we get a baby; I wish we had more money saved so it wasn't such a struggle to adopt; I WISH I COULD GET PREGNANT.
After I had calmed down, we talked about pushing off the adoption journey for a year so we could save some money, but for as long as the wait could be in actually being matched with a baby we could likely save the same amount of money but still be that much closer to becoming a family. So we're still a go, I just apparently needed a cleanse.
All three of those demons are ones that torture me daily, among others. I am fatter now than I've ever been in my life and I don't know why I don't do anything about it. I make more money now than I ever have in my life but it's like my wallet has a hole in it that all of my money falls out of. I hate to admit it, but I am not the best at managing my money. I mean, we have a savings account and we're never behind on bills, but I can't ever seem to keep my checking account at a balance that doesn't cause me to have a meltdown in the middle of Memorial Blvd. Elvis, on the other hand, is BRILLIANT at managing his money. His parents are the same way and have taught him well. My problem is that I like stuff. I like pedicures and getting my nails done; I like new earrings or shoes; I like to gift other people; I like to eat out (see above...FAT) And now that I have to have $30 GRAND to adopt a child to complete our family, I am so stressed out about where we're going to get the money to do so. I'm playing the "I wish" game in my head...I wish we had started the process sooner so we won't be 35 by the time we get a baby; I wish we had more money saved so it wasn't such a struggle to adopt; I WISH I COULD GET PREGNANT.
After I had calmed down, we talked about pushing off the adoption journey for a year so we could save some money, but for as long as the wait could be in actually being matched with a baby we could likely save the same amount of money but still be that much closer to becoming a family. So we're still a go, I just apparently needed a cleanse.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Domestic vs. International
So Elvis and I have an appointment for a consultation on Wednesday afternoon with an adoption agency here in town (Murfreesboro) called Heaven Sent Children. They sent me some literature and it's really in-depth and confusing so we've got lots of questions for them! We have a copy of their fee schedule and the breakdown of each fee and what it goes to, but even with that info I'm totally over my head and don't know how to make sense of it all. From what I can tell it's going to cost around $20,000 to adopt domestically from Tennessee and it will cost about $30,000 before personal travel expenses to adopt internationally. Holy moly!
Originally we were set on adopting domestically, but I not-so-secretly have always wanted a little Chinese/Korean/Asian doll daughter, and when my mom helped me realize how much of a presence my company (Cummins) has in China and that it will probably be pretty easy to find a host family for our mandatory 10 day to two week stay, my imagination is running wild with possibilities. Now when we meet with Stephanie at the agency next week I'll know to ask questions about international adoption as well. How could you NOT want a sweet face like this??
Originally we were set on adopting domestically, but I not-so-secretly have always wanted a little Chinese/Korean/Asian doll daughter, and when my mom helped me realize how much of a presence my company (Cummins) has in China and that it will probably be pretty easy to find a host family for our mandatory 10 day to two week stay, my imagination is running wild with possibilities. Now when we meet with Stephanie at the agency next week I'll know to ask questions about international adoption as well. How could you NOT want a sweet face like this??
Monday, December 19, 2011
We're Adopting!
Elvis and my 7th wedding anniversary is in less than 2 months. We've been together for almost 13 years, and for all 7 of those wedded years we have not had children. I've never been pregnant. Not even a miscarriage. I've had a myriad of testing done and Elvis has been tested...our infertility is classified as "unexplained". We went further than we ever thought we would when we did a couple of cycles of IUI (artificial insemination) early this year (2011). It quickly became too expensive and we stopped all fertility meds and shots and ultrasounds, etc.
We have waffled back and forth over the years at other options of starting a family, and we always entertained the possibility of adoption, but were never set on looking into it seriously. Elvis has a lot of pride. He has two brothers; both brothers have two children of their own; hence, Elvis wanted his own flesh and blood for children and deemed age 30 as his cut-off for becoming a father. He turned 30 in May when I was still 28. We went rounds about how just because he felt that his body was well over the biological age of 30, I was still only 28 and was not going to stop my quest in becomming a mother before I turned 30. He's not going to be any older at 32 than he is today at 30. He maybe bald have less hair by then, but he won't physically be any older. Suck it up, old man!
Really I can't remember the initial moment when we decided that adoption was the way to go, but I can tell you the final moment when I knew there was no other option that I would consider:
Yesterday I met up with Megan, her friend Karen - whose adopted son Nate goes to preschool with Zavier - and Karen's friend Melissa - who has adopted two daughters after "unexplained infertility". We spent over 2 hours talking at an organic fair-trade coffee, tea & cocoa shop in Murfreesboro who helps adoptive families. Karen is mom to 3 biological children, and her adoption story for Nate is amazing and unlike any you've ever heard before, but she adopted because she wanted to, not because she had to. I am most thankful for Karen inviting her friend Melissa to the coffee shop, since she has more of the same reasons for adopting as I do. Melissa and her husband still have faith that they will conceive their own child, even though they have started the process of adopting their third child, whereas Elvis and I are pretty well convinced that adoption is the only way that we're going to have a family, based on our 7 years of infertility.
We briefly talked about surrogacy because that route would allow us to have a full biological child of our own, just baked in someone else's oven, but once we considered that I would be going through all of the same treatments as if we had decided to do IVF, we quickly changed our minds about surrogacy.
So, after talking with these amazing women and getting loads of information I am fully convinced that adoption is our route and even though it could take a year or more to actually have a baby placed with us, it's amazing to know that I am 100% sure that I'm going to be a mommy!
There are so many things to consider when it comes to adoption: Agency or Independent? Open or Closed? Only white or open to other races? How am I going to afford the $15,000 - $20,000? and so much more. But I have started my adoption timeline and we'll just go from there!
Since Elvis and I have already decided that we are going to go through an angency, the first thing on my list is to research Tennessee adoption agencies and choose the best one for us. We want a few things from the agency that we list with: an all-inclusive service plan, preferably a sliding scale fee rather than a fixed rate fee, a high annual placement number, and quality care and counseling for the birth mother. It's really like interviewing a Realtor, or doctor, or some other really important person. The success of our adoption really begins with the agency that we choose so we want to make sure it's the right one.
Once we select the agency we have to complete an application and send them $500. Then they'll review our application and either approve or deny us to list with them. Once we're approved we start the process of a Home Study which is a lengthy process that requires TONS of paperwork that digs into all areas of your life: marriage, finances, family, parenting plan, work life, meeting face to face at least one time with a social worker assigned to our case, and so much more. Once we have completed the Home Study we send in another $1,500-$2,000 and then we wait.
So, since I know we'll be out $2,000-$2,500 at the very beginning my timeline is to take the next 6 weeks (less if possible) to find the right agency and get our application submitted. This would get us started on our Home Study in February. It can take up to two months to complete the Home Study, so by the time we finish it and cough up the next $2,000 I'll have gotten my bonus from work and any tax return money so it shouldn't be a hardship to fork over the money. Then, after we've received a favorable Home Study I can start the process of looking into and applying for adoption grants. Bring on the free money!
So that's it. My next 3.5 months are planned out; by April we should be on a waiting list for a baby! My fingers are crossed that we will have a baby in time for Christmas next year, but we'll just have to see.
We have waffled back and forth over the years at other options of starting a family, and we always entertained the possibility of adoption, but were never set on looking into it seriously. Elvis has a lot of pride. He has two brothers; both brothers have two children of their own; hence, Elvis wanted his own flesh and blood for children and deemed age 30 as his cut-off for becoming a father. He turned 30 in May when I was still 28. We went rounds about how just because he felt that his body was well over the biological age of 30, I was still only 28 and was not going to stop my quest in becomming a mother before I turned 30. He's not going to be any older at 32 than he is today at 30. He may
Really I can't remember the initial moment when we decided that adoption was the way to go, but I can tell you the final moment when I knew there was no other option that I would consider:
Yesterday I met up with Megan, her friend Karen - whose adopted son Nate goes to preschool with Zavier - and Karen's friend Melissa - who has adopted two daughters after "unexplained infertility". We spent over 2 hours talking at an organic fair-trade coffee, tea & cocoa shop in Murfreesboro who helps adoptive families. Karen is mom to 3 biological children, and her adoption story for Nate is amazing and unlike any you've ever heard before, but she adopted because she wanted to, not because she had to. I am most thankful for Karen inviting her friend Melissa to the coffee shop, since she has more of the same reasons for adopting as I do. Melissa and her husband still have faith that they will conceive their own child, even though they have started the process of adopting their third child, whereas Elvis and I are pretty well convinced that adoption is the only way that we're going to have a family, based on our 7 years of infertility.
We briefly talked about surrogacy because that route would allow us to have a full biological child of our own, just baked in someone else's oven, but once we considered that I would be going through all of the same treatments as if we had decided to do IVF, we quickly changed our minds about surrogacy.
So, after talking with these amazing women and getting loads of information I am fully convinced that adoption is our route and even though it could take a year or more to actually have a baby placed with us, it's amazing to know that I am 100% sure that I'm going to be a mommy!
There are so many things to consider when it comes to adoption: Agency or Independent? Open or Closed? Only white or open to other races? How am I going to afford the $15,000 - $20,000? and so much more. But I have started my adoption timeline and we'll just go from there!
Since Elvis and I have already decided that we are going to go through an angency, the first thing on my list is to research Tennessee adoption agencies and choose the best one for us. We want a few things from the agency that we list with: an all-inclusive service plan, preferably a sliding scale fee rather than a fixed rate fee, a high annual placement number, and quality care and counseling for the birth mother. It's really like interviewing a Realtor, or doctor, or some other really important person. The success of our adoption really begins with the agency that we choose so we want to make sure it's the right one.
Once we select the agency we have to complete an application and send them $500. Then they'll review our application and either approve or deny us to list with them. Once we're approved we start the process of a Home Study which is a lengthy process that requires TONS of paperwork that digs into all areas of your life: marriage, finances, family, parenting plan, work life, meeting face to face at least one time with a social worker assigned to our case, and so much more. Once we have completed the Home Study we send in another $1,500-$2,000 and then we wait.
So, since I know we'll be out $2,000-$2,500 at the very beginning my timeline is to take the next 6 weeks (less if possible) to find the right agency and get our application submitted. This would get us started on our Home Study in February. It can take up to two months to complete the Home Study, so by the time we finish it and cough up the next $2,000 I'll have gotten my bonus from work and any tax return money so it shouldn't be a hardship to fork over the money. Then, after we've received a favorable Home Study I can start the process of looking into and applying for adoption grants. Bring on the free money!
So that's it. My next 3.5 months are planned out; by April we should be on a waiting list for a baby! My fingers are crossed that we will have a baby in time for Christmas next year, but we'll just have to see.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Returning for 2012
I'm back on the blogging band wagon. My reasons for starting a new blog are:
I am going to try hard to not make this blog "Adoption Journey"-centered, but you can guarantee that I'll be talking about adoption in general, and specifically our adoption, frequently; it's where our hearts are and it's what is going on in our life right now. Love it or leave it.
- Elvis and I are adopting and I want to make an effort to keep up with the happenings
- I don't want this blog to be private like my last one was, which also means that I will have to be nicer in this one...
- I missed all of your comments! All 1-2 of them!
- I feel inspired again by other bloggers I follow
I am going to try hard to not make this blog "Adoption Journey"-centered, but you can guarantee that I'll be talking about adoption in general, and specifically our adoption, frequently; it's where our hearts are and it's what is going on in our life right now. Love it or leave it.
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