List of Procedures

Ok, I remembered to bring home the info about the surgeries from work.  Here is what I am having done on February 2, and what each procedure entails:

• Hysteroscopy - A lighted telescope will be placed into the uterus through the cervix.  This will allow direct visualization of the inside of the uterus.
• Endometrial Biopsy - A small sample of the lining of the uterus will be obtained for evaluation by a pathologist.
• Sono-Hysterosgraphy - This is a test that checks to see if the fallopian tubes are open.  A catheter is inserted through the cervix into the uterus.  The uterus and fallopian tubes are then filled with a saline solution, and the flow of this solution is observed with the assistance of a high-powered ultrasound.  The physician can determine whether the solution flows freely through the fallopian tubes or whether they appear to have a blockage and can see some uterine abnormalities, such as polyps or a septum.
• Cervical/Vaginal Cultures

I've had the Sono-Hysterosgraphy before, but it's been several years so Dr. Vasquez wants to do another one.  All of the procedures are anesthesia elective, but he has recommended that I go under and I agree!  I get so queasy when I think about body fluids and organs and wounds.  Siiiick.

Even though I probably won't actually need the time off, since my surgery is on a Thursday, I will be taking off Friday from work as well to rest.  I may sound like a big weenie, but anytime I can get free days off from work (I get unlimited number of sick days as a salaried employee), I'm gonna take 'em!

Consultation with Dr. Vasquez - 1/9/2012

We went to Dr. Vasquez's office today for our consultation.  After an unhappy and unimpressed experience with Nashville Fertility Center (NFC) and Dr. Hill's team, I researched for another fertility clinic in Nashville and found The Center For Reproductive Health (CRH) and Dr. Vasquez.  There were many things that drew me to this clinic, but the main one is their desire to determine the individual's cause for infertility.  I'll be honest, aside from not feeling like my voice was being heard, and never meeting with the same doctor twice, and feeling like I was throwing money away, the thing that bothered me the most about NFC was that they were content, and expected me to be too, with diagnosing me with "unexplained infertility."  End of story.  Well after meeting with Dr. Vasquez today, it is so clear to me that NFC was simply in the business of fertility treatments, and not necessarily interested in helping me become a mom.

Dr. Vasquez said today that most fertlity doctors do types of "pre-screening" of patients to determine if they're going to be successful in conceiving with fertility treatments.  He called it "cherry picking."  He said that they throw prescriptions of Clomid at you to see how your body reacts to it to better determine if they would be able to increase their chance of their clinic's success rate at "helping you have a baby."  He said that most doctors don't look at the biology of the patient.  Because, as I learned today, it takes a perfect egg, a perfect sperm, and a perfect uterine lining to conceive, carry and deliver a baby.  A lot of people don't realize that a woman has only a 20% chance of conceiving each cycle, and so many of those people who can take it for granted.

So after talking and learning and having my blood drawn to check my luteal something-or-others, I was given the instruction to call the office when I start my period so I can get a shot of something and then return the next day for an ultrasound to look at my granules (?) or something like that.  Dr. Vasquez used lots of big, scientific words that I vaguely remember from my high school and college biology days, so forgive me if I can't recall exactly what he said about everything.  Bottom line is that he is doing testing to determine my cause of infertility so that we don't just throw money away at that 20% that is likely lower in my case since I've never been pregnant ever and I have irregular periods (as in not every 28 days with ovulation on day 14).

In addition to having to call the office when I start my period and go through that 2-day testing cycle, I have already been scheduled for a surgery to dig around in my lady parts.  I was thinking he meant that I would have another HSG where they fill a catheder of contrast and do an ultrasound on my fallopian tubes, but this is an actual surgery.  The same day, Elvis will have to have another semen analysis done.  Then, in about 3 weeks, we'll go back for the followup appointment to discuss the findings and our plan at building our biological family.  Such a rollercoaster of emotions, but mostly relief that I will not be left answerless.  It's going to be a good year.

Change in Plans

We're not telling everybody, mainly because we sound so undecided and wishy-washy about it all, but I figure that the only people that read this blog are close friends anyway and I want to share.  Elvis is the one that doesn't want to tell anybody, but it gets difficult dodging the questions or making up stories about why we had to "reschedule" our appointment with the adoption agency, etc.  And, truth be told, I don't want those who have been so supportive and resourceful in our initial inquiry into adoption to feel let down by our decision to change gears, because...

We've decided to go the route of fertility treatments again.  Mainly, I think, IVF.  Elvis is really determined to exhaust all of our options at having a biological family before moving to adoption to start our family, and since I just want so badly to be a mom, I am willing to go through the processes needed to see if we can conceive our own children.

Stay tuned for updates!  We had our first appt today

Gettin' Fit in 2012!

I bought a treadmill for $200 off Craigslist yesterday.  I don't know how fancy it is or it isn't, but it looks pretty damn good to me!  And the best part is that Elvis chipped in $100!  I set it up in my office, facing my computer screen so that I can watch movies while I walk.  And yes, I do mean walk.  Give me some time and I'll work up to jogging, but for now I'm starting off with something that does not intimidate me into wanting to quit if I fall behind.

I did 1.3 miles today while watching a one hour episode of a tv show that I like, but it was really uncomfortable because of how I had to set everything up.  The treadmill itself is too loud to hear the computer over (even at 100% volume), and my earbud cord is way too short, so I pretty much had to roll the treadmill all the way up to the desk so that I could still hear the show.  My cord still wasn't comfortably long enough, so I was left to walk in an awkward hunched position so that I wasn't pulling the cord out of the headset jack on the computer, and since my legs, and consequently my stride, are so long, half of my foot was stepping off the belt almost my entire walk.  It was not the most conducive set up for a comfortable work out.  Nevertheless, I broke a good sweat, enough that I'll need to shower before Elvis and I go to dinner tonight with friends, and I felt good afterwards.

One day in a row.

It's A New Year

Can I just say that I'm thrilled that 2011 is behind me?  Without moaning about the difficulties the year presented me, I would just like to point out that last year is one that I could have done without.

There's nothing like wiping the slate clean and starting fresh in a New Year.  This is actually one of the first years that I've not outlined resolutions for myself ahead of time to dwell on in the last days of the concluding year.  Would I like to make some changes in my life this year?  Yes.  Have I set a goal for myself to reach by my 30th birthday in September?  Yes.  I do still have some resolutions for 2012, but I'm hoping that I can treat them more like lifestyle changes than a diet.  Here is what I would like to do in 2012:

• Get better sleep/be more well-rested - we just bought a new mattress set this afternoon, and it's being delivered and set up tomorrow evening, so I'm hoping that we're off to a good start on this one.  It's a Sealy memory foam mattress that I am hoping will relieve some of the pressure in my back when I sleep.  The new mattress, combined with an earlier bedtime that is not immediately preceded by watching tv, should do the trick.
• Be a better manager at work - I'm hoping that by having my first year of managing a small group of people and adjusting to being a manager and an employee at the same time under my belt, that I'll be able to make this goal happen.  The challenge I face is not actually wanting to be in the job/position that I'm in but still making the best of it, and doing it to the best of my ability.  Maybe I'll also figure out just what I want to do with my life professionally...
• Be less materialistic - In recent years I have found myself becoming more consumed with possessions and stuff than before.  I want to want less, materialistically speaking.  I want to not only feel content by what I already have, but to actually be grateful for what I have and not feel like it has to be more or better.  This is not a cold-turkey change; it's going to take some time.  It's going to take me focusing my energy on discovering other ways to make me happy outside of buying material possessions that provide only fleeting fulfillment.
• Rediscover my relationship with Jesus- I went to church this morning for the first time in probably two years.  I went by myself and it felt great.  Sure, there were a couple of songs that I'd never heard before, but that meant that I got to just listen to the words of the song and let them really marinate.  There's a lot of good stuff that I've been missing out on in the past couple of years that I don't plan on missing out on anymore.  I promise not to shove my beliefs down your throats, but I'm also making a promise to not act so flippant about my beliefs anymore.  I believe in God.  I am going to Heaven, not Hell.  I am a Christian, and I don't care if you roll your eyes if and when I write/say something that convicts those beliefs.
• Go to Oregon to spend time with my family - My grandfather is 90 years old.  He's got amazing genetics and is super healthy, but you just never know how much time you have left with anybody.  I really want to strengthen my relationships with both of my grandfathers, but particularly my dad's dad because I am not in touch with him outside of occasional updates from my dad when we speak on the phone.  I want to fly to Oregon for at least a week this year so I can spend some quality time with all of my family.  My sister is due with her first baby at the end of June and I want to be able to meet my little niece or nephew.  I want to go back to my roots and visit all of the places in Oregon that mean so much to my past, and share them with my present, Elvis, in the hopes that one day we'll both share them with our future children.

I know I've prattled on long enough, and have even gone off on some tiny tangents, but in summation, I just really want 2012 to be better than 2011 was, so that by this time next year I can look back and say that 2012 was a very good year.

Timing is Everything

I could have been a mom in February.

One of the women that I met with to discuss adoption sent me an email yesterday letting me know that an attorney friend of hers was representing a birthmom who was looking to make an adoption plan.  The father wants to relinquish his parental rights now, and the birthmom wants a closed adoption.  She's due in March, but her doctor believes she'll deliver in February!  Karen said that we would need to start our home study now so it could be completed in time.  The birthmom wants the adoptive parents to be a professional couple that she feels could offer a great life to the baby.  Ideal situation, right??  There's just one catch...

The birthmom is pregnant with twins.  Annnnddddd they're both girls.  I told Elvis and he about had a heart attack.  When we were going through the IUI process earlier this year, his greatest fear was that I would get pregnant with multiples.  I think it would be great, but he's terrified of going from no babies to two babies at once and not being able to provide them with the kind of life he wants to give our child(ren).  He was almost on board with the twins, but when I said they were both girls he said he would die of anxiety and that he wasn't ready to take that on in just two short months from now.  And I respect his feelings and concerns.  These babies weren't meant to be ours.  When all the pieces line up perfectly, we'll know that it was meant to be!

But seriously, can you imagine me becoming a mommy in two months??!!?  I mean I'd be broke as shit buying two of everything at once and having the expense of double diapers and formula, but how exciting!  Honestly though, when I really consider the big picture, at least if I was pregnant with twins I would have 8-9 months to prepare myself, my husband, my house, and my savings account for the addition of two little ones...and with a "just add water" family addition of twins, I just don't know if we would be able to make it work at a level that the birthmom would expect us to.

Anyway, I thanked Karen profusely, because everything about the offer was perfection, except the fact that there were two babies, and asked her to keep thinking of us if the same offer arises with a singleton.

Christmas 2011

Christmas day is done, and in reflecting on the days leading up to this day I am happy to say that overall Christmas 2011 was a success.  I got most of my shopping and wrapping done early, and all of the kiddos LOVED what we picked out for them!  It was probably our best year of gift giving for the kids.  Here's what we bought for them:

• Dominque, age 15 - purple digital camera with rotating window to see herself when taking self-portraits, and a matching purple hard case.  She is a freshman at Smyrna High School and is on the softball team so I know she will get TONS of use out of this gift.  She absolutely loved it when she opened it yesterday!  This camera also has buttons that when pushed automatically post your pictures to your Facebook and/or Twitter pages and your videos to YouTube.

• Wesley, age 9 & CJ, age 11 - Razor Sole Skates and $25 Walmart gift cards.  These two boys are difficult to buy for because they're at that in-between age where they're no longer playing with action figures, but they're not quite out of the video gaming phase.  Better to let them pick out their own video game than to embarass them by buying something too babyish.  Both of the boys loved the skates and the gift cards.  Oh, to be at an age where a $25 gift card feels like $100!

• Austin, almost 7 & Marshall, almost 5 - We bought the boys joint gifts this year because everything Austin does, Marshall wants to do too.  Both boys are very athletic and play football and baseball in the spring and fall, so we decided to capitalize on their love of sports and got them an over-the-door double basketball goal and an arcade-style football game (like you'd see at Chuck E Cheese).  These were perfect gifts because they have recently decided that they want to sleep in the same room again and use the other bedroom as their play/game room.  I see them getting an air hockey table for their birthdays...

(Not the exact one, but you get the picture)

• Zavier, age 2 - I picked out the outdoor grill playset that goes with the indoor kitchen playset because this boy loves that kitchen!  He was a big helper when I was putting it together for him, putting the burners into the screw holes and loading up the cupboards with all of the pieces to assemble it, but he sure loved it when it was put together!  He was all about some hotdogs and ketchup and opening and shutting the grill lid.  Lots of hours will be spent using this toy.

• DJ, age 4 - A LeapFrog Tag reading system.  Even though DJ was initially more excited about Zavier's grill playset, once Megan got the Tag book downloaded to the pen and she showed him how to use it he loved it!  He quickly learned that a certain sound means "turn the page" and that if you put the pen to parts of the book that it will tell him special things.  After Zavier had gone down for his nap, DJ even picked the book up and began reading by himself!

• 
  Kasha, almost 12 - Since I rarely see Kasha (she lives in Oregon), I'm always struggling to know what to gift her with on her birthday and Christmas.  This year I learned that she is really enjoying art and that she draws really well.  My original plan was to get her an art kit and a gift card to Michael's so she could choose her own art supplies, but I waited too long to buy the art kit and ended up only sending a gift card so as to *hopefully* make it on time for Christmas.

I also attempted to make a cake that I pinned on Pinterest (you can follow me HERE) but it went to crap.  I over cooked the cakes and I over beat the ganache, resulting in sweet tasting cottage cheese.  Fail.  I'll try it again sometime; it's not quite ready for the move to my "I Made It! And the reviews to go with it" board.  So instead I just made cracker candy and sausage bread and they were both delicious!  We went to the Elder Spann's house around 10:30AM so we could spend some time with them before the kiddos arrived, we had lunch with the family, watched the kids open their presents and play with them and then we went home around 4:30 without playing Dirty Santa because I left our gifts at home.  Whomp, whomp.  It was a good day, not without some drama, but overall a good day!